The weekend Recap!

Last week felt so action packed that I really wanted us to do something as a family. While that SOUNDS nice. Summer in Arizona is kind of like Winter everywhere else. You just stay in until the Weather clears again. But for us its get up and get going and in before noon so we don't die.

We decided to try out the Mesquite groves pool. It looks a lot like the pool where my parents live but there were a lot more people. I really thought that Ty would LOVE that we are all going to the pool with him. But that morning before we got ready I asked him if he wanted to go swimming and he was so upset.






I think it has to do with his swimming lessons, so we made a parental decision that we are changing him back to the mom and Tot class. Why traumatize the boy who likes water. Oh and as a side note into that, GUESS who is getting water therapy!

So anyway we get to the pool, get the HUGE wad of cash out that it will cost us to swim ( 3.50 for ALLL of us. 50 cents for Ty and a buck fifty for the rest of us. ) And off we go. We lather Ty up with Sunscreen, lather me and Dallas up and off we go.

It as a lot of fun. Ty was not so happy about all the kids but he dealt. We took him all over, we let him jump off the side. He was happier with Dad than mom.

Because we had to get out and reapply sunscreen we just decided to go. The temp on the wall was 110 when we got out. NOT KIDDING. It was HOT. We get home and decided that Dallas was burned. He has such a bad burn on his head that he has blisters through out his head. He kinda got a little heat stroke and was not feeling well. We let him rest and Ty and I played and made our house a mess.

Today was just a lazy happy day for all of us. Dallas let me sleep in, we switched and he slept. I started cleaning and picking up when he was awake and Ty, who has been not very happy unless MOM is around started crying a little to much. The last straw was him running into the wall a few times and Melting down. So I made him lay down. With the intention that once he got to sleep I would finish the kitchen.

Yep you got it. I fell right to sleep with him. What I LOVED. My sweet baby cuddled right up with me and I got to hold him for his whole nap.I have really been craving that baby cuddle ( even with a big boy)

My amazing hubby cleaned up the kitchen ( which is both of our least favorite things to do) and I go the rest of the house done. Dallas has to go into work tomorrow and so I made sure clean clothes were there.

Ty is still asleep in his bed for now. Dallas is sleeping next to me.

Its days like this that I think of all the memories that are made.

Things like, the way Tyler smells, the sweet time we get when he comes in in the morning, the kisses and laughs from Dallas and Tyler. The smiles we get. The payment of mommy hood in kisses.

Procrastination. That is my middle name.

I have a problem. A big one. It comes to head about RIGHT NOW. I have procrastinated away Tyler's summer. Though I feel he has come a LONG way things were just starting to roll and now. GONE.

Before school was over we had tons of plans. Plans of summer school, vacations, lazy days by the pool and most of all mom time galore.

What we got? Swine flu, vacation and no days by the big pool just days of swimming lessons and little pool.

Yesterday I got Ty's school schedule. We are following the same schedule we did last year. He goes three days a week ( like last year) and in the morning. Again, just like last year. BUT they are starting earlier and coming home by 11:15. Which is good and bad. See, I like to sleep in. He likes to get up early. I like to go back to bed, 11:15 isn't enough sleep. Oh well.

Second procrastination problem: Ty has been scheduled 2 times this summer for braces. One was the week of an appointment that we had not realized we double booked. Time #2 was the DAY I wrecked the car. Then we went on vacation and got the swine and now it is the end of the summer.

Monday we are getting casted for braces, he is getting his new AFO's and he is NOT going to be happy. Hopefully he is going to be good and OK with them when school starts.

#3 procrastination problem: Ty needs new glasses. They take a week to get them in. I haven't made an appointment. Now this is not to be confused with the fact he sees a eye doc every few months. That would only be convenience now wouldn't it. Oh no this is separate. You see the doc doesn't " do" glasses. He just makes Ty cry, scream and yell and sends me on my way. This is where we get our prescription but yet another visit to another place actually allows us to order glasses. Oh and did I mention. Not fully covered. I love LOVE out of pocket expenses.

Guess on Monday I will call and make my appointment and order ME some glasses and Ty some to.

#4 procrastination problem: School clothes. Thought I am usually super frugal with clothes and clothes buying. Given our short time frame ( of which I KNEW about.) I might not get to be a frugal Fanny and might just have to bite the dust and not buy ALL on clearance. Which leads to another beef. I don't want to spend any more money... we just bought a car for Pete's sake ( which we LOVE and think is amazing) Gahh!! Oh well... Wardrobe needs very little replenishing but a little boy must have new clothes for school right.

#5 problem: My house is a mess. Yes I know there is only 3 of us. But frankly, I suck at housekeeping. With Running from place to place and therapy, swimming lessons and feeling less like myself this week I am running a little low on the ambition department. With all the above procrastination problems we have no ( or very little) clean clothes. And a big week ahead of us. Oh and did I mention I have a respite person but have YET to stay home and RESPITE and clean etc. Oh well. We did get a really nice car this week!

#6: I have 3 photo shoots including a wedding that has over a thousand photos to go through and yet I would rather read my book ( thank you Jodi Picoult) hang with Ty and NOT clean my house. Oh and go to bed early. Did I mention I am not feeling myself the last few days.

I think you get the procrastination problem. Since starting back working as a full time mom I find that " I will do it tomorrow" is the name of the game. The kisses are worth all the money in the world. The idea that he is going to school and learning is enough to be thankful for.

I guess I need to get some ambition and not procrastinate the day of my motherhood and get to work. We can't wait to see what the new school year has in store! Oh and .. we are getting water therapy. AND we are meeting the teacher the DAY of botox. Hmmmm.... BUSY BUSY to start school .

Our newest addition!

We are announcing our newest edition in FASHION. On a blog!

She is BEAUTIFUL. She even saves the environment. No names picked yet but Oh is she a beauty.


HERE SHE IS! ( better pictures to come tomorrow.)






Her special featured include blue tooth, hand controls. NO KEY! Just a power button. Yeah... that is cool. Its all cool. Sometime I think I should try to drive it.

Ty's swimming lessons..... TA DA!

This summer we changed swim schools for Ty. Last year it was a short session and was super duper expensive. I was super worried that I would find one in time. He really needs the swimming lessons. He is really good about water and he does a great job in the water. I want him to learn to swim because he can DO swimming. He is able to do all everything he wants in the water. His body moves the way he wants to in the water. And he is REALLY good at it.

We missed the last lesson because I got the time wrong. But this week we were right on time. I tried to explain to him that he would be going in alone like at school. He was fine and signed swim a few times. He understood what was going on. We got to his swim Teacher and I put Ty in and put my feet in to help him easy the separation. His teacher took him off. And the water works started.

The main instructor that was checking in the kids didn't like the idea of me staying there. She asked me to go in the main building or far enough way he couldn't see me. I was kinda sad that he was sad but other wise I understood. He is such a momma's boy.


First spin in the water with his new "coach." He seemed OK at the beginning and he was not crying yet. But then the water works...... so so sad!
This is when he realized that I was no longer sitting at the edge of the pool and boy he was not having it.

He BOLTED. He hoped right on out and the poor lady was scrambling to grab him. She was going to convince him to stay if it killed her!

Even the ducks didn't do the trick. He was still sad. I wanted to rip off my Tank top ( I had come prepared to have to get in with the dude) but I stuck it out ... and the Lady got her stuff of and decided to help him get use to it. I was super impressed.

She got Ty going. She got him out kicking his legs and relaxing just a little bit. I can't imagine that you can't feel safe with someone you don't know or can't trust. I was pretty proud of my little dude.

OK so the crying was still going on. He kept saying Mom mom. Totally broke my heart. But KNEW he would do OK.

They switched and his regular "coach" took his turn. They had him kicking and moving like he was asked to do. He was still kinda sad though.
And then.... He sat all alone on the steps when he asked and he was waiting his turn. He would clap for everyone and he " jabbered" to all of the kids. He seemed to be having a ok time. He did whimper a few more times as they took him down the pool and back but it will get better.

Tonight after a long day with our respite lady and Dallas being gone Ty and I took a shower and Dallas got him ready for bed. Ty has a love for the super sleuths. Its the newer version of Winnie the Poo. We have only found one movie ( and the musical zoo that he doesn't love) of them. But they are on Disney sometimes. Anyway, a month or so ago Dallas bought Ty a super sleuth shirt and I bought him some super sleuth Jammie's. He wouldn't wear the shirt forever but today he put it on.

He is such a happy kid MOST of the time. He is so much fun. He is smiling for his dad. His dad was snapping pictures trying to get him to do the funniest thing.

His pose getting ready to JUMP. He can jump on his own. But look at that face!


AND this is what we wanted on film. TA DA! He holds his hands out and waits for us to say TA DA! Then he claps and does it again. Jabbers to us with a full on conversation. He loves the super sleuths.

Days like today make me realize how much I am IN LOVE with the blond haired, blue eyed, bombshell that comes waddling into my room at 4 am to sleep with mom and dad. For the kisses, the hugs, the waves, the giggles. For the love, adoration and just plain unconditional love this kid has. I am so in love with him.

Happy Independence Day

July 4Th was just a regular day around here! Sad huh. We don't have family ( I know our choice) But it is TOOOO hot outside. Because I had done a wedding the day before, we were just so excited to have a day where we were together. We all were able to be a little lazy and enjoy each other fully. We did enjoy a yummy hamburger, some yummy pasta salad and brownies with Ice cream. Swimming in the pool in the back yard and lots of love and kisses. No fireworks for us. We are still unsure of how Ty will do with them AND at ten at night it is still in triple digits.

I am so glad that I live in a country where we have the freedoms we do today. There has been so many freedoms I take for granted that I can't forget those who died who have made those freedoms possible.

I am so thankful for the freedom of religion that has been granted to us. Despite the uproar on my blog, I can't express enough my love for my Savior. I can't imagine living in the days that persecution raged on the poor early settlers.

I am thankful for the right to be anything I want to be. That right has landed me at home with Tyler and Dallas. Being a mom and watching my husband be the best he can be and to be going after the pursuit of happiness and the ability to be successful.

Most of all I am thankful for the men and women who have fought to keep us free. I hope they know that we all appreciate the sacrifice they make for our Country, for me and for my family.

Thank you! Freedom isn't free. Thank you for fighting for our Country.
(Photo taken at the Shriners clinic in Salt Lake City Utah January 2009)

Copyrighted photo

Whats in a Name?

Though we are NOT pregnant this cartoon SOOO made me laugh. A name. A label. Something. Whatever you want to call it. Sometimes the name is what people see. Given the last comments I won't be to negative. I do wish sometimes that I could yell at the top of my lungs or send a million letters or put up a bill board to help people understand what it is that us as a mom, or our kiddos with Special needs need or want or how it works or what it feels like. I don't want people to think that I think Tyler is any more Special than anyone Else's kids. I don't think he is. But a name is a name. (OK Really he IS more special.. he is AMAZING!! And he is especially cause he is mine!)

But really do we really need a Name? I am not talking about the name we call him. But the name or label or diagnosis we get.

Today we went for what we thought was a speech evaluation for Apraxia or some other language disorder. Why you ask? Well despite the " my kid is not any different than any other kid" Ty doesn't talk. Its not that he will do it in his own time. ( I Have heard it a thousand times) And he is not JUST a boy ( heard that one two thousand times). But frankly there is something wrong. It isn't that you go in search for what could be wrong but sometimes it is like a big neon sign SCREAMING at you. At some point you HAVE to read it. You have to look at it.

As a infant he didn't really babble. He would make a few sounds. He cried. He laughed. He smiled. But the cooing wasn't really there. Because we were focused on a thousand other things we didn't really think that much about. We didn't have a speech therapist in Utah at all. We had everything else.

When we moved to Arizona we didn't get one right off either. He had been saying dad and we really thought he would just start talking. He kinda did that with everything else. After a bit of time we got a speech therapist. We got ANOTHER speech therapist. The first one moved. The second one never really got Ty going.

When he turned 3 we moved to yet another agency. That was also when we started school. So he gets private and he gets stuff as school. Then at school he failed his hearing test. We have passed all of them up to this point.

When we did his sedated ABR there was no reason why we isn't talking. His hearing is perfect. So of course I went in search of something and kept coming back with Apraxia of speech. He has pretty good receptive skills meaning he will follow directions. But the expressive is pretty crappy.

We finally got him to say "Ba" But that is about all we get out of him. He does say no. But otherwise everything is the same syllable. When we went to Utah and others heard his non speaking it was more apparent there was something wrong.

So back to the grind. Our hearing doc set up an appointment to get and evaluation done at a place in Mesa. The "thought" was it would give us some answers more than just" You know he has a brain bleed right?" But I was wrong. It ended up not being what I thought ti would be. It ended up being exactly what we do each week at speech therapy.

There was no magic label or name we could put on him that doesn't end up in the same result of something that we are all ready doing. All ends up back to speech therapy.

Though we all ready knew he wasn't " up to par" ( her words not mine) with "average" three year ODs there is no magic answer.

So there ya have it. The name we have for it is ........ We don't know. We have a bleed. We have delays. We have Cerebral palsy. It kinda doesn't give me or anyone else a starting point. But the end result is Speech therapy.

When we went home, the end result was the same. We love Tyler and we are so proud of the amazing things he has accomplished. We have ideas of ways we can help him improve but otherwise..... Speech Therapy!

My faith and Germs. Yes they go together.

Something happened tonight that really struck a cord with me. Along with some "innocent" comments from some unnamed people I thought I would take a few minutes to address something. Not to take way from our HOORAY on the post before ( so scroll down and jump up and down) and then get settled. It might take awhile.

So, to start I just wanted to share a little bit of what I believe and then a little lesson in GERMS. Like I said it is going to be a little lengthy. ( Germs first!)

Growing up I can only vividly remember missing church MAYBE 5 times. Most of the time that church was missed by anyone in our family it was because we were sick. Like the sick person would stay home and the rest of us would go to church. While at the time I didn't think a thing of this I do now. In fact I think a great deal about it. And as I think about it I get kinda mad. And a little bit on the paranoid side.

If one of us was sick that meant that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US were sick. We were carrying a germ. At the time of growing up I didn't think about it because it wasn't a common occurrence and our ward at home was not that big.

Fast forward to 2005. In September you will recall the birth of a one pound baby. (If you don't read the freaking archives or the October Salt Lake Tribune, or click on a "tag" on my blog labeled MICRO PREEMIE... or better yet google it) (Like I said... I am a little ticked.) Anyway, while in the NICU our favorite Neonatologist cautioned us on germs and how things are spread and strict instructions were given on what is the WORST place to get germs. Church was the NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST. Why you ask? Because of the above for mentioned actions of Yours truly. Because one of them go to church carrying the germs that I would then pick up and take with me in to the NICU.

Fast forward 93 days in 2005 ( give or take) and we get a 5 pound newborn home and guess where they say we are NOT allowed to go. That's Right CHURCH. We wanted to have him blessed. We opted to do it at Church. Tyler came in after Sacrament had started and he left before it was over to avoid all the germs. We talked with our Bishop at the time and they brought the sacrament to us. The Relief Society sent one person a week to check on us and the Bishop stopped by. Making sure we were OK and that everything was going OK. That ward understood why it was important for us to NOT be there and to understand that we had and still do have faith and a belief in our religion.

Fast forward to 2009. That's right. While I no longer freak at every possibility of getting germs when an out break of something happens we tend to shrink away from heading into Church. Also keep in mind that we are not talking about a Utah ward of 200 or so people our ward is currently 800 people. That's right 800 people. If even HALF of them have been exposed to the flu we are talking 400 people who are sick. Its not a pretty idea for me. I get Anxiety even thinking about it.

My lesson to you...... If you have been around sick people or cared for a sick child keep your entire family home from church. They are sick. There are people who would LIKE to go to church and enjoy sitting in Relief Society without hearing, " My husband is home with our 3 sick kids so I could come to church" REALLY... Come on. I am no sitting next to you, where I will then bend over and pick up my kid and have the GERMS you brought to church go to him.

And just for your FYI and reading pleasure: KIDS WHO ARE BORN AT LOW BIRTH WEIGHT ARE CONSIDERED IMMUNOCOMPROMISED. NOT IMMUNOSUPPRESANT. BUT IT MEANS THEY GET SICK MORE THAN A NON IMMUNOCOMPROMISED PERSON. If you don't think they are that is fine. Let me tell you about the Swine flu post. Guess who got it. Tyler. Guess who didn't. A immunosuppresant person. So yeah.We catch things.

OK so that is my rant about sickness. And in the words of Barney " Keep your germs to your self don't give your germs to anyone else."

OK. Now on to my faith. Somewhere between leaving the nest of my parents and the feeding of the gospel being bird fed into my mouth I had to make a choice. I loved church as a college student and attended every week. I held various jobs. Some I loved and others not so much. I learned so much from one particular calling. I was the relief society president for over a year. I also worked full time and was attending UVSC. Yet I seemed to have it all together and worked hard. During that time I got the bright idea that I wanted to serve a mission.

I took out a loan, paid off my debt and started to get ready to go on my mission. It was while I was getting ready to serve my mission was when I came to the understanding of what the Gospel really meant to me. I have also grown and changed in what my Faith is since having a child. So please bear with me as I share a few of my thoughts.

I got called to Indiana. It was not the exotic mission of choice. I was with a bunch of girls that were going to Durban South Africa and I was going to Indiana. So, I struggled. A lot. Until I moved to South Bend. That is when I figured out a lot of things.

That is where my testimony grew and where I became a rock. Meaning, No matter what I have a belief of what I taught that no other faith or no matter what is said I know what I believe. This is when I met a few people who totally changed my life.

When Tyler was born we had a bishop that was not supportive of anything that happened. Because of this lack of support we moved. We really needed a support system. We moved into a ward that was very supportive.

When we moved to Arizona we were excited to start our journey. Ty was healthy and we were no longer in RSV season in Arizona so we got the go ahead to head to Church and we did. We went often in the beginning. When cold and flu season came around and we realized how large our ward was and how yucky it was we cut back. Then came time for Tyler to start going to nursery.

This is when my faith changed. You see. I still have a very very strong belief in the gospel. I listen and strive to do what is asked of me. But I have a hard time with this teaching of tolerance and the actions of others that is NOT tolerant.

When Ty was ready to go to nursery we took him in, sat with him and had his walker with us. We were told he was NOT allowed to have his walker because we had such a larger nursery he would run over the other little kids. So his only Independence was taken away. But what about all of the other kids that would run over MY kid. I felt that no understanding about our issues. So we kinda back off and since he couldn't go then we were backing off.

A year came and we would go sporadically. When he got old enough for sunbeams we took him and he would go and we liked it. We have gone most weeks since then. The ward is 800 people . Just because you don't see us doesn't mean we aren't there.

When we got back from vacation we had the swine flu. We were sick. We couldn't go anywhere. Including work. Let alone to church.

This week we didn't go to church because the person who is doing respite for us had the stomach flu. Meaning we were exposed and we KNOW that they won't missing so we didn't want to add more germs. We stayed home.

Fast forward to tonight. Its dinner time. the doorbell rings. The Elders are standing on our doorstep. We invite them in. Offer water, bathroom and then their question comes. They were told by a family that we were less active. That we were struggling and would probably benefit from them coming over.

We told them that was fine and they set up an appointment to "teach" us so they have a chance to get in their lessons for the week. But what chaps my hide is the above.

1. If we are struggling then why is it that we don't have a priesthood holder EVER over to our home. We have never once seen a home teacher. The few men we do know are not " friends" nor our home teacher. When called they are usually busy or not answering. Which leaves us to attend to brain surgeries all alone. With no other person to help administer to our child.
   
2. Why is i in a ward of 800 people I have ever visiting teacher over the age of 60. I have no friends, no family. Could you please give me someone that I could possibly become friends with.
   
3. Ty has had 2 brain surgeries and there has no been any support from our ward. No volunteer to bring dinner. No help for us. No support.
   
4. We have no friends. Our ward is not friendly at all. Unless you belong to the clique they have had formed for the last 6 years you are not invited.
   
5. Tyler is different and though they all claim tolerance they have NO IDEA how to actually show that tolerance.

I have had mothers say that Tyler is retarded. I have had people stare and laugh at him. All of this in a place of worship of some one who taught us to love everyone. Someone who said to suffer the children.

Instead you send the Elders over to my home to teach me and to tell me to go back to church when we never left. We just have to take it at our time because of the ignorance of others.

As I was deeply hurt by tonight's actions I read and reread an article by Boyd K. Packer. It is an article that has left me in tears tonight.

Some point from the talk:

1. It is my intent to teach doctrine which, if understood, will reinforce your courage and endurance, even foster a measure of contentment with circumstances which you did not invite, do not deserve, but from which you cannot turn away. We didn't ask for this. We didn't deserve this. Tyler didn't ask or deserve this. But our love for him we can not turn away.
2. Afflictions come to the innocent. Tyler is Innocent. He did nothing to deserve this.

3. Never Ridicule.

4. Parents, take time in the next home evening to caution your family never to amuse themselves at the expense of the handicapped or of any whose face or form or personality does not fit the supposed ideal or whose skin is too light or too dark to suit their fancy. Teach them that they, in their own way, should become like angels who “move the water,” healing a spirit by erasing loneliness, embarrassment, or rejection.
   You are all claiming to teach tolerance in our ward. We have seen no tolerance. We have not even seen love. Judgment and words like Retard have been thrown our way.

Think of this: Unless we die prematurely, every one of us may end up both physically and mentally handicapped. We would do well to make advance payments of service and compassion on which we may draw when that time comes.
Pres. Packard continues:

Why not help the parents who have extra things to do and extra expenses and are confined because of a handicapped family member. Encourage the teachers and social workers who show such devotion to them. And it would’t hurt you to donate a few dollars or a few hours to one of the many organizations which help the handicapped. If we do this, without the slightest idea of selfishness, it will remain in our account against that time when we may need help. And the works of God will be made manifest in our lives.

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.

“For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.” (D&C 58:3–4.)

Why is it that they can't do that. Why is it that I am feeling alone? Why is it that I walk this route with no help from those very people who teach the above mentioned things.

I truly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I truly believe that when we get to the next life Tyler Will Be whole. I honestly believe that. I honestly believe he is a miracles. I believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. I believe in the Book of Mormon. I study and read often. I am sad that those in our ward and some in our family can't understand the plight we are in. And that you can't support us.

I am saddened. Please come and walk a week in my shoes. I know I have a child of God that I am raising. I am feeling that every day. I recognize the miracle that Tyler is. He is such a special spirit. I wish that those who have felt because we are not "Active" could feel the spirit we are cultivating.

Practice what you preach.